Black Women and Social Anxiety
Since moving to Korea, I've met more professional black women who struggle with social anxiety (SA) than I ever have before. From teachers to military professionals, social anxiety has been an increasing obstacle. I’ve even found myself in some anxiety inducing social situations. Some people find it hard to believe that we struggle with social anxiety because we've become so conditioned to always "being on" but that's simply not the case. Like everything else, we've learned to function with anxiety. Two things black women have become masters at- compartmentalizing and avoidance.
Don't get me wrong, almost all of us get a little anxious or embarrassed in front of other people every now and then and some of us are shyer than others, but for those who struggle with social anxiety, the distress can be so intense, it stops people from doing the things they enjoy. The anxiety can even interfere with our daily lives, making it feel like it's difficult to cope. Oftentimes, the overwhelming feeling occurs when just thinking about a social situation- or the memory of a previous one.
Can you relate?
Social anxiety is used to describe feelings of anxiety and fear that occur in response to social situations.
You may get highly distressed in specific social situations like presenting to a group or being among large groups of people but here are a few social situations that can stir up extreme anxiousness:
Being the center of attention
Meeting new people
Talking to people in authority
Presentations or talking in front of people
Parties and social gatherings
Being watched while doing something (signing your name, eating, or drinking )
And for Korea specific ladies, “performing” for your Korean coworkers or school administrators
These are common anxiety-inducing situations for those with social anxiety but, there are others. Whatever situation there are a number of symptoms that you may feel in response to social situations.
Let's talk about a few.
Thoughts
Do you tend to overthink social situations? You may worry a lot about what other people think. Or you may want other people to really like you so you constantly worry about doing or saying the right things, and you become really worried that you will "mess it up."
You may even obsess about other people's reactions- constantly worrying about how you look or what other people are thinking about you. You will most likely believe that people are thinking about you in a negative way- by default. People with social anxiety are especially worried about being evaluated, criticized (even slightly), or embarrassed in any way.
Those with SA tend to have a negative filter so most often what they perceive and what others communicate doesn't always align. Because of this nonverbal communication is also incredibly important.
Physical
In social settings, your response to stress may show up in physical ways. When your anxiety increases, you may suddenly become flustered: feeling warm all over, changes in your breathing (usually quick, shallow breathing), and increased heart. You may feel a little lightheaded (due to lack of oxygen circulating- because of your shallow breaths).
Another important physical feature we seem to possess is the classic RBF. We have learned to mask the feeling of chaos that's going on inside of our bodies by not letting it show through on our faces. We've had to. However, we're often labeled as a bitch, or assumed to be unapproachable when in fact, we are only trying to manage our anxiety about what's happening around us.
Avoidance
People who struggle with SA are usually really good at avoiding any social situation. You may try to find reasons to escape them as quickly as they happen. Avoidance may also look like, being at a loss for words (you may find it incredibly difficult to formulate complete and coherent thoughts), irrational anger, and frustration may also be a sign of avoidance behavior.
If you can relate to these symptoms, and you believe that social anxiety might be a problem in your life, talk to a mental health professional. You can find someone in your area but clicking here. Or you can work with me by clicking here. Either way, let someone know the symptoms you experience and how they impact your life and relationships.
